Series: What to Disclose in the Job Interview & What To Keep to Yourself

Episode 320 | Author: Emilie Aries

Talking About SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER IDENTITY in the Interview

Today I’m closing out my series on job search disclosures: what to disclose in the interview and what to keep to yourself. Today we’re talking all about navigating sexual orientation and gender identity in the interview process.

To recap, here’s what we’ve already covered:

Should You Come Out in the Interview?

sexual orientation and gender identity in the job interview

Despite the fact that the LGBTQ+ community has experienced some big legal wins in recent years, choosing to come out at work can be a stressful and even dangerous choice, especially for trans and non-binary people. In fact, 2020 proved to be the most violent year on record for trans and non-binary people, with more than 37 violent deaths - a record high since the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) first started keeping track.

So choosing whether and when to disclose your sexual orientation or gender identity at work is no small matter. That said, the benefits of being able to truly be yourself and feel included and accepted at work are also well documented.

Researchers who shared their findings in the Harvard Business Review revealed “that people who are able to come out at work are happier. Compared to workers who are out to some people or no one at all, those who are completely out at work are significantly more satisfied with their job (29% versus 16%), enthusiastic about their job (40% versus 26%), and proud of their work (51% versus 38%). Other research finds that having a double life — being out in private life but not at work — increases social stress and depression.”

Keep in mind, for something like sexual orientation or gender identity, disclosure is not a one-time event. You may find yourself disclosing your gender identity with HR upon hire, with your boss when making travel arrangements for an upcoming conference, and with colleagues as needed. This can come up time and time again, resulting in stress and anxiety, if not outright harassment or microaggressions on multiple occasions.

That was a key message I took away from our recent team discussion about Disclosure, the Netflix documentary about the mass media’s impact on the trans community in recent years. Disclosure doesn’t just happen once. It’s an ongoing stressor, and something to be weighed carefully.

Know Your Legal Protections

Thanks to a recent Supreme Court decision here in the US, LGBTQ+ workers are now protected by the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which protects against workplace discrimination. But, just like everything else covered in this series, having the law of the land on your side is one thing, while navigating everyday workplace politics is another.

Much like parental or marital status, it’s perfectly reasonable and well within your rights if you choose to avoid the topic altogether at the interview stage. Just like no employer needs to know if you’re married or in a long-time relationship, they don’t need to know the gender of your significant other, either.

Let this serve a reminder to all of us, however, to strive to create more inclusive workplaces where all people feel safe to bring their full personhood to work, free from judgement.

Tips for Transgender Job Applicants

While it may be easier for some applicants to keep their sexual orientation under wraps during the interview, gender identity and expression can be more of a minefield. Here are some tips specifically for transgender folks navigating the interview process:

Reinforce Your True Name & Pronouns

What’s in a name? A lot! Aligning your name across all legal documents can be helpful with the hiring and onboarding process, but removing a deadname may not be an expense everyone can afford. Plus, when employers call past colleagues and bosses as references, that can add to confusion if your gender expression has changed in recent years.

Amira Sounny-Slitine, a career coach with a special interest in working with LGBTQ+ job seekers, recommends reinforcing your name and pronouns before it becomes an issue. “Write the interviewer an email before the interview stating that you are excited to meet them and sign off with your name and pronouns at the bottom of the email. This will allow the interviewer to know your pronouns before meeting you.”

Practice Correcting Misgendering

Misgendering is when a person incorrectly identifies the gender of a person, and doing so can signal disrespect or an outright rejection of one’s gender identity. In a job interview, it’s best to assume that any misgendering is an innocuous mistake, but that doesn’t mean you can’t correct it. Here are a two ways to be an advocate for yourself while still getting the interview back on track:

Chime in immediately after the wrong pronoun is used by saying something like, “Actually, it’s Ms. not Mr.”

Or wait until they’ve made their point or asked their question and respond with a simple redirection, such as “Actually, I use they/them pronouns.”

The reality is, the interviewer may feel called out, confused, or embarrassed by their error, so the goal is to correct the mistake quickly and refocus attention on your skills.

Wear What’s Comfortable

When choosing an interview outfit, I recommend to folks across the gender spectrum to wear whatever makes you feel like a boss. That’s going to produce different outcomes for different folks, but the key here is to find a balance between showcasing your authentic self and ensuring you’re choosing attire that showcases you in a professional light. If you feel good about how you look, you’ll be able to refocus your attention on how you’re coming across in the content of what you’re saying. Feeling unsure about an outfit? Get feedback from a trusted friend, mentor, or confidante. If you’re preparing for a virtual interview, hop on camera to see how your outfit translates digitally, too.

THE BOTTOM LINE

While these tips can help navigate the extra stress of interviewing as a transgender person, remember: this systemic problem is not on transgender folks alone to solve. We all must do our part to create more inclusive, welcoming workplaces where all people feel included.